I was broken, beaten, and left to die until I found the courage to leave. During the journey I was able to find myself again while learning to love and trust. My story starts 13 years ago when I met a man who was charming, intelligent, sweet, and caring; all the attributes a woman wants in a partner. He made me feel so special that I fell deep in love and would do anything for him, that’s how much I loved him. Not too long after the relationship started I noticed a different side to him, I ignored all the signs because I was so in love and did not want to believe that the man i loved would bring me harm. At first it was just an open handed slap to parts of the body that could be covered so that no one would know his secret. After every fight he came back with an apology and promise to never do it again and every time I took him back with the hopes that it will get better. As the relationship progresses the fights became more often and the abuse only got worse. On one particular day I had just finished painting our kitchen, I went to take a bath before my man got home and while I was laying in the tub he came walking in with a 2×4 pissed off that I had painted the wrong color. He sat next to me asking questions like he always did waving the 2×4 around because he was enraged over a paint color. You see this man had a very dark side to him, not only was he charming and intelligent but he was also very jealous, controlling, and possessive. He didn’t trust women and for him women were beneath him and were only put on this earth to serve their men. My relationship got to the point where I was not to speak unless spoken too, go out without him, or even talk to my family because in his mind they were trying to get between us and he couldn’t stand that. I could not talk to, be friends with, or even look at another man because again in his mind I would leave him. There were days where I would be locked in a room because I was defiant, or I didn’t do something he wanted me to do and this was my punishment. That day I painted the wrong color was a day that is burned into my memory as one of the ugliest days in my life but definitely not the worst. He was so enraged that he took that 2×4 and beat the hell out of me. I had a fractured cheek bone, 2 broken ribs, a broken arm, and 2 disks in my back were dislocated. When the police were finally called I was rushed to the hospital and he was nowhere in sight (he didn’t want to go to jail). After my recovery and like many times before I took him back with the same old promise that he would never do it again. Ladies there will always be a next time, men like this do not change it only gets worse and it took me having a gun in my face to realize I might just die by the hands of a man I truly loved. You see ladies, the day he put a gun in my face it was over me looking at another man with whom he thought I was having an affair with however that was not the case. Like many times before he beat me until I was bruised, battered and alone. This was my turning point, I needed to find help and get away because I was sure he was going to kill me. I finally got out with the help of a coworker and went into hiding. I was so scared that he was going to find me that I drove to another state and found a shelter that took me in, and gave me the necessary help I needed. I had one on one therapy as well as group therapy which taught me how to love myself again. U R NOT ALONE ladies! If you get one thing from this story, please get that living in fear is not a life that GOD has intended for you. That man that abuses you whether its emotionally, verbally, physically will NEVER change.
Here is a poem written by Elizabeth Booth she is a survivor and this has helped through it all!
WE WANT YOU TO LISTEN
We want you to listen…Our voice is heard when used
No longer will we stay silent about our abuse.
No longer will we lie…To ourselves, to others, trying to
defend you by the reasons we gave for why our faces or bodies
were broken and bruised.
Our voice speaks for those who are no longer
with us. “Violence” by your hands claimed those
lives of our sisters. They cannot stand here today and fight by
our sides. But know this …That their spirits guide us and give
us courage, strength and the will, along with the power to
“Take Back The Night!”
You made these women “Martyrs” whom we have drawn
close to our hearts. We are survivors of Domestic Violence!
We are the women you constantly put down…We are the women
you struck, strangled and beat down…
We are the women you could not keep down.
We are still here!
You have power over us no more. You cannot
and will not dictate our lives, controlling us with fear.
Yes…We are still here, united together, each from our
own individual experiences of pain, suffering, torment,
and lies, through tears we’ve seen in our children’s eyes…
The questions we have are not…the WHYS??, but WHEN??
When will this stop? when will things change? when will this morbid, macabre madness end?
Lives lost, homes broken, dreams shattered, memories from all of us women you
Together, our voices that we once kept silent form a powerful start at
STOPPING THE VIOLENCE.
Thanks so much for reading my story and I hope this will help all women find the strength to leave!